worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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