No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
