I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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