Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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