i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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