we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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