Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
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Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
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Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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