nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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