dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
