I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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