Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
