Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
