Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I think my moral compass just broke
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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