I wish I could teleport
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
