She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
