you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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