you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize