My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize