i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
