I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
