I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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