i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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