she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
