I bet he comes in French.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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