Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
