How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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