omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
