i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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