oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
