dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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