Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
