If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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