A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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