I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
