you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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