So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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