He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
