Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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