I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
