1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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