You just made me feel so damn special
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
