I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
