so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
