Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
