Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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