Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
