Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
