I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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