Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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