I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
