I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I currently don't understand fingers.
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