I am spending my child support on dildos
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she peed on how many people?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
