Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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