I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
