woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
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we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
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I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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