He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
