I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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