she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
