I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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