Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize