look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
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I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
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Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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