you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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