I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
