Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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