Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
