sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
