She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
