you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
